Fortify Your Mind

Every so often, and sometimes quite often, I converse with mothers of children older than mine. They empathize with my “up all night with a crying baby” stories, and then follow up with, “I remember those days,” or “I’m glad I’m not there, anymore.”  Occasionally I get, “Enjoy every minute; they grow up so fast.”  That’s when I think, “Seriously? Enjoy every minute?  Can’t I just take a shower without someone screaming at me?”

Truthfully, I don’t enjoy every minute. Motherhood is hard.  It is sacrifice after sacrifice after sacrifice.  And mothers of young children need more than sympathy and nostalgic suggestions.  They need tools to help them thrive, not just survive, the years of sleepless nights and constant demands. So, to mothers, and to all people, I share with you my first tool:

Tool #1:  Fortify your mind

A couple of years ago I attended Master of Influence, a three day seminar taught by Kirk Duncan. I paid about $150, but what I learned was priceless: I could control the thoughts that came into my head every day.  As the mother of, then, four young children, I did my best to love and nurture my family, and honestly, I did a good job.  Still, like many mothers, I listened to the negative voices that spoke to me.  “I am ugly.”  “I am a lousy mother.” “I am unlovable.” “My children would be better off with a different mother.”  Do any of these sound familiar? 

Until I attended the seminar, I believed that whatever I thought was truth. But Kirk taught me that the thoughts I had been listening to were lies, and that if I turned them around, I would hear truth.  According to his instruction, I took a piece of notebook paper, and folded it in half so I had a left side and a right side.  On the left side, I wrote down the negative thoughts I had been hearing.  “I am ugly.”  Next line:  “I am a lousy mother.”  Next line: “I am unlovable.” And so on.  Then, on the right side of the paper, I wrote down the opposite of the negative thought:  “I am beautiful.”  “I am a wonderful mother.”  “I am lovable.” And so forth.  Additionally, instead of just writing one positive thought for each negative, I wrote two positives for each negative:  “I am beautiful.  I am gorgeous.”  “I am a wonderful mother.  My children are lucky to have me.”  “I am lovable.  People love to be around me.”

            Once I had written down positive responses for every negative thought, I ripped the paper in half along the fold, shredded the piece with the negative thoughts, and tossed it in a trash can.  (Try it; it’s very empowering to destroy your negative thoughts!)

            Finally, I took the list of positive thoughts and taped them on my wall next to my bed.  After that, every morning when I got out of bed, I looked at my list of positive affirmations and said them aloud to myself. It didn’t matter if other people believed them.  It didn’t even matter if I didn’t believe them, yet. By reciting these positive affirmations every day, they sunk into my brain until I believed them.  Not just that; I became them. I saw a beautiful reflection in the mirror.  I saw the evidence that I was a wonderful mother, and became even more so.  I felt others’ love for me.  I  loved myself.

            My mind became strong.  When negative thoughts tried to sneak in, I told them to go away, because I knew they were lying to me.

            I added to my affirmations from time to time, and discovered I had the power to change my thoughts about anything: people, situations, even my desires.  And when thoughts change, actions change.  When actions change, results change.

The tasks of motherhood have not changed, but my ability to perform them with positive power has intensified.  I don’t just survive; I thrive! Such a simple tool. Such amazing results.

            Mothers, you are powerful. You are beautiful. You are capable. You are valuable. Go on; say it to yourself right now.  It's truth.

Resources:

Kirk Duncan is the founder of

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