Invisible

“There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back”
 Of Monsters and Men, Little talks

            People naturally believe any thought that pops into his or her head.  And why not?  Aren’t thoughts the products of our brains? Our brains wouldn’t lie to us, would they?  Imagine the destructive possibilities if someone invented a weapon that could put thoughts into people’s heads.  Thoughts that people naturally assume are true because they believe those thoughts came from themselves.

            Back in November, 2011, I attended a three day seminar presented by Kirk Duncan. I mentioned this seminar in a previous post.  This was one of those things I did because I just felt I needed to do it.  I learned about it from Mandy-Marie; this was the same seminar at which, three months previously, she found the last piece of her healing puzzle.  I was just starting to put my puzzle together, and something inside of me convinced me that I would discover some big keys at this seminar.

            Andrew and I reserved a hotel room for a couple of nights, persuaded Grandma and Grandpa to entertain the children, and headed up to Salt Lake City.  I had heard rave reviews about “Master Your Influence”, as that particular seminar was called, but I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

            I held on to Andrew’s hand as we entered the hotel where the Seminar was being held.  I never did feel comfortable in big crowds, and I was glad to have my husband there to be my comfort.  We registered, put on our name tags, and entered a large room. Most of the several hundreds of chairs were already occupied, so we chose a couple of seats near the back.

The atmosphere bubbled with anticipation as the latest pop music blared from speakers placed strategically around the room. We made small talk with the people next to us, then finally, a lady, dressed in black, stood up on stage with a microphone to introduce our presenter.  The crowd cheered as Kirk ran up on stage, sporting a grey business suit and a big smile.  I caught the positive spirit, and clapped and whooped along. It was fun.  Kirk was fun.  The people in the room were fun.  And I was having fun.

On the right side of the stage stood a giant Post-It-Note pad on an easel. Kirk drew pictures on it to illustrate principles from time to time. I sat in my seat after lunch, and watched as he took a large, black marker and drew a stick figure in the middle of the pad. On either side of the stick figure, he drew two more, only instead of using solid lines, he used broken, dotted lines.  Dotted, he said, because we cannot see them.

The figure on the left represented an invisible person who whispered negative things into my head; “You are ugly.  You are worthless.  You can’t do anything right.”  The figure on the right represented an invisible person who whispered positive things into my head: “You look beautiful.  You are a wonderful mother. You are valuable.”

As I listened, a lightbulb flashed on inside of my head. Suddenly, I saw the whole good versus evil concept in a tangible way. Existing around me were beings who were fighting over my mind.  They couldn’t hurt me by touching me, necessarily, but they could convince me to hurt myself, if I let them.  I had always believed in a higher power, God, as I refer to him.  I have also always believed in an adversarial power, which I call Satan. Both forces, God and Satan, want me to listen to them.  God, who loves me, wants me to follow his guidance so I can be happy and eventually live with him after this life.  Satan, on the other hand, seeks my destruction, and would love to use me as a weapon to destroy others. Even this was not new.  What was new to me, and switched on the light bulb in my mind, was that both forces were engaged in a battle over my mind.  On the one hand, the evil voices whispered negative thoughts into my head.  It was them, not me, who were trying to convince me that I was ugly, worthless and couldn’t do anything right! On the other hand, I had God supporting me, whispering to me truths about myself:  I am beautiful, wonderful, and valuable.  God was my creator, and as so, he was the being who whispered divine truths into my head.  All the other thoughts, those which I had been listening to, the thoughts that dragged me down and made me feel lousy about myself, came not from me, but from the evil voices of Satan.

Which voice did I want to listen to?  That question was easy to answer; of course I wanted to listen to the voice of truth, the voice which told me good things and made me feel good about myself! The problem was that the negative voices were so persistent! How could I get rid of them?  Was that possible?

Of course it was!  Kirk shared with me, and everyone else in attendance, the tools to imprison the negative voices, and strengthen my ability to hear the good voices. I will share those tools in the next few posts.

“ …and thus he whipereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.”  2 Nephi 28:22