The 5-Year Experiment

Five summers ago, for reasons I no longer recall, I began an experiment. I bought an inexpensive note-book and wrote down everything I could think to be thankful for. I didn't write quite every day, but nearly.

After the first year, my notebook contained all of the obvious and slightly less obvious things, like family, home, cars, flush toilets, and fuzzy socks. Then I got creative. I learned to “hunt” during the day for gifts I could write down that evening, and my eyes began to notice even the littlest blessings which popped up; not only was I grateful for the chair on which my bottom rested, but the individual screws holding the chair together, the man who ran the machine which made the screws, and the person who first conceived the notion of screws.

Those times when life throws a challenge-pie in my face become far less wretched and much easier to navigate as I deliberately search for the benefits each struggle brings. Then, when I must watch my children wrestle their own trials, I empathize, support and encourage, with the slightest twinge of joy mixed with motherly heartache, because I know they are on the verge of a blessing shower.

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.” (Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 78:19)”

On Peanut Butter

Those moments when time seems to stand still.

A few days ago I had finished loading groceries onto the conveyor belt and looked over to the other end where my tween was bagging them, just in time to see Adam’s Peanut Butter fall to the ground. The glass jar shattered into a million pieces, gluing itself to the brown, oily goo it had encased seconds before.

My hands covered my face. This child. Just like this. All week.

I pulled my hands away, and there he was. His head hung and his shoulders hunched, weighed down by an invisible burden.

This was a critical moment: perhaps the kind where “core memories” are made. I saw before me two paths: one in which I followed through with my knee-jerk reaction to unload my own embarrassment and frustration onto the weight he was already carrying, adding another “chop” to his self-value, shaming myself, and further hammering the wedge that had forced its way between us earlier in the week.

I chose the other path. I walked forward, gently said his name, and told him it would be okay.

“Look,” I said, “People are already coming to help us.”

A worker reached us and poured a grainy powder over the goo. The checker began telling stories about stuff other people had dropped (apparently sesame oil creates a nasty stench).

The worker scooping the peanut butter asked my son if he wanted to go get another jar. We described where to find it, and he hurried off, proud to be thought responsible enough for the task.

The mess cleaned up, the groceries bagged, peanut butter in tow, we went home.

A lump forms in my throat when I think of this brief incident. Partly because of the path I might have chosen, partly because I have thoughtlessly chosen that other path before, and mostly relieved that, at least this time, I made a better choice.

All parents make mistakes sometimes.

All children carry silent burdens sometimes.

Please, everyone, let’s choose to lift that weight rather than add to it.

At least sometimes.

The Breakfast

Today is Mother's Day. It is 9:15 am.

A while ago, my husband woke me up and asked if I could stay in bed for 45 minutes.

Easily.

Some time later there was a soft knock on my bedroom door. I ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away and I could drift back to dreamland. (I was up until midnight making sure all my boys would have clean pants to wear to church today.)

The door opened. Someone softly crept up to the bedside. I opened my eyes, and there stood child #4, holding a plate of toast.

He had been telling me for several days that he wanted to make me toast for Mother's Day. He had felt a little anxious because he didn't think he could butter it. I had assured him that I could butter it if he brought me a knife and some butter.

I looked at the toast. It was buttered.

“Did you butter this all by yourself?” I asked.

He beamed, and replied affirmatively.

I took the plate, and he left the room.

I lay back down and closed my eyes. I easily could have gone right back to sleep.  My stomach was not quite up to eating yet. But, the proud look on that little face...

I opened my eyes, stuffed the toast in my mouth, placed the plate on the floor, and chewed away as I settled back down.

Another knock pulled me out of dreamland.

“Come in,” I muttered without opening my eyes.

“Happy Mother's Day!” came the energetic exclamation. I recognized child #3's happy voice.

I opened my eyes and sat up.

Even without my glasses, I could see he was bringing me another breakfast; a piece of bread with a yellow blob in the middle (it turned out to be an egg), and a kiwi cut in half, arranged above the bread to form a funny face.

I laughed.

So did he.

I thanked him, he handed me the plate and left.

I placed the plate down on the bed, lay down, and closed my eyes.

The funny face called to me. I was already full of toast, but really, could I eat one child's gift and not the other's?

I sat up, scooped the kiwifruit out of it's skin and popped it into my mouth, dripping juice on my shirt and pillow.

I left the bread/egg combo on the plate and lay back down.

From the kitchen came the sounds of clinking utensils and sizzling meat,and I guessed that I had one more breakfast coming.

“Momma!”

Child #5 was up.

“Momma!”

She still hadn't figured out how to climb out of her crib. I'm pretty lucky.

“Momma!”

Apparently no one else had heard her. Besides, she was calling MY name.

I rolled out of bed, crossed the hall and opened the door.

“Good morning, darlin'!”

I lifted her out of the crib and invited her to come to bed with me. She accepted.

Upon seeing the plates in my room, she asked questions. I told her about my multiple breakfasts-in-bed.

“I didn't bring you breakfast in bed!” she exclaimed, distraught.

“Dad is still in the kitchen,” I said. “Why don't you go talk to him?”

I was hoping she would be satisfied to help with whatever he was cooking up.

A few minutes later, child #5 returned, carrying a potted, pink, flowering plant. 

Daddy followed with a plate of eggs Benedict and fancy sliced pineapple.

Children #s 2,3 and 4 popped in also, bearing gifts: versions of home-made and school-made flowers.

Proper exclamations of surprise and elation commenced, and everyone smiled.

Before long I was left alone with the eggs Benedict. My tummy protested slightly, but my taste-buds won out: I ate the whole thing.

Part way through this third breakfast, child #5 came running in, crying. “There's no more bread!”

She had wanted to make toast for me, as well. I said a silent prayer of thanks that the bread was all gone, and Daddy came in to fetch the little darling, offering to help her find something to make for me.

It turned out to be a hot dog bun. In a cereal bowl. She proudly presented her offering, and I accepted.

A few minutes later another hot dog bun appeared. “For Lunch,” she explained.

Of course. Lunch. About the time child #1 would roll out of bed.

I am one lucky woman. A lucky wife, a lucky mother, a lucky lady. I am so grateful God gave me this crazy adventure called Motherhood.

The Other Half

I admit, I have been putting this one off for a while.  I've "been busy", my computer caught a really yucky virus that we are still trying to get rid of, I started a new endeavor, etcetera. But really, I just haven't been sure how to tackle this topic, and how long to spend on it. So I will just be brief.

In my experience, when it comes to healing, there are two aspects to consider.  There is emotional healing, and there is physical healing. I have spent the last year posting about emotional healing. Most people I cross paths with tend to ignore that part. They like physical answers: better food, medicine, herbs, oils, exercises, and such to deal with physical complaints. But I have discovered that often, when I address the emotional needs behind the physical pain, as well as the physical pain itself, the healing process happens quicker and becomes permanent.  A team approach works better than any approach by itself.

Thus, on to healing the physical side of depression.

I am not going to get too deep into how depression works on a cellular level. I learned about it first in my college psychology class. Some people refer to depression as a "chemical imbalance". Close enough. The point is, inside somebody who struggles with clinical depression, there is definitely something real and physical going on to maintain the depression. So, simply trying to "think happy" is not going to just make the depression go away.

Modern medicine has come a long way in creating drugs to help maintain proper functioning on a cellular level!  Thank Heavens! I am so grateful that, for ten years, I could just swallow a little pill every morning and feel normal! And Happy! And all of those other emotions in a healthy, normal way.

And just as thankfully, those same Heavens have provided the means to real and permanent healing for depression. My own personal journey led me to Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination Technique, or NAET for short. NAET, basically, uses muscle-testing to find allergies, and a non-invasive treatment to eliminate them. As I used this technique to heal allergies in my body (many of which I didn't even realize I had, yet), my gut health improved, which also healed the chemical imbalance causing depression.

After several months of using NAET combined with Emotional Healing Tools, I was able wean off of the depression medication I had been using for the previous decade. (Disclaimer: Anytime you want to discontinue medication use, please discuss it with your doctor!) I definitely experienced an adjustment period for several months, with short depressive episodes (a few days up to a few weeks), but I continued to use all of my tools, and finally slew the Depression Beast for good! As of this posting, I have been medication-free for three years, and completely Depression free for two.

NAET is only one of many modalities available for healing. Here is a story about another natural method for treating depression and anxiety.

I recommend these sources:

Books:
Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman
The Biology Of Belief  by Bruce Lipton
Heal Your Body by Louise Hay
Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle
The Emotion Code by Bradley Nelson

Blog:
Unlocking Depression (April 2015 posts in particular address healing, gut health, and modalities)

Youtube video:
The Biology of Belief Lecture by Bruce Lipton

The Secret

 

“Doesn’t matter when,

It’s always a good time then.

Doesn’t matter where,

It’s always a good time there.

Doesn’t matter when,

It’s always a good time then.”

Owl City, Good Time

Taking a closer look, I pressed the Scotch-bright pad into the stubborn spot.  I couldn’t recall the last time the stove-top had had a good cleaning, but this particular spot was getting it.  Words continued pouring from my mouth as I scrubbed.  I had asked a child to help with a chore, and as sometimes happens, received a complaining response.

I glanced back at the 10-year-old.  Much to my surprise, he appeared to be paying attention, so I completed the lecture.

I returned my attention to the spot on the stove. Except for the Scotch-bright scraping back and forth across the burnt food, the room was quiet.  Then, from over at the computer desk, my husband spoke up.  “Wow.  That was really profound, Honey.”

I stopped scrubbing.  Huh?  What was he talking about?  What did I just say? I reversed the conversation in my head to the last thing I had told my son.  “You can either choose to complain, or you can choose to be grateful.  There will always be a reason to do both.”

I repeated it aloud to myself.

“You’re right.”  I said back.  “That is profound, isn’t it?”

I can’t claim that I came up with that knowledge on my own.  I give credit to God for that bit of wisdom, and I am not the only person who has received it. But the principle that, in any given set of circumstances, I can either find reasons to complain or I can look for the blessings and express gratitude, is a principle that I apply daily.

Several years ago I purchased an inexpensive, cute little notebook, with the intention of writing down everything for which I was thankful.  For several days I recorded all of the usual things that pop up on Facebook during the month of November when the world catches on to the Gratitude Kick: family, friends, God, etcetera.  What was neat, though, is to see all of the other things I started noticing after all of the usual topics were covered.  Now, please do not misunderstand, I AM grateful for the people in my life, and I think recognizing those blessings is important. But I have learned to see the value of expressing gratitude about the little things that tend to go unnoticed every day.  Like clean sheets. And indoor plumbing.  Hot water. Wood. Telephones, email, green grass in the summertime, fresh dirt in the spring, a car that works. This morning I wrote down “really soft pillow cases.”

After noticing all of the little things, there is another level.  When I find myself in a situation which, on the outset, appears negative, I look for the blessings hiding in the situation.  I am grateful when my children fight because I can teach them appropriate conflict resolution skills.  I am grateful when I find dirty silverware in the drawer because my children helped wash the dishes.  I am grateful when my husband works late all week because he is dedicated to providing for our family.  I am grateful when the car has a flat tire because I have a chance to prove that I can stay positive.

           

Last spring, my husband’s health took a nasty turn, and he landed in the hospital for several days. Friends and family jumped to the rescue, bringing meals, caring for my children, and cleaning my house so that I could be with him.  Naturally, I felt grateful for these many acts of service.  Every day, someone would look me straight in the eye and ask, “How are you doing?” I could tell by the tone of the question that he or she was expecting me to be falling apart with worry and stress.  But I wasn’t.  I had mastered the skill of being grateful in any circumstance, and this was no exception. Even confronting the possibility that my husband might be very ill and unable to work for a long time did not shake the thankful attitude I carried inside. I continually found hidden blessings throughout the experience, and look back on that time with happy memories.

As Zig Ziglar stated, “The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more you will have to express gratitude for.”

Go.  Start counting your many blessings today!

“Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is…Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;”  Ephesians 5: 17, 20

“In everything give thanks.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Weeds and Seeds

“Take your make up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you”

Colbie Caillait, Try

I hung up the phone and glanced down at the notes I had scribbled down.

I had been in my new house just two weeks.  Well, “new” was a bit of an overstatement. The once-beautiful house had been neglected for quite some time, and my husband and I had taken on the challenge of restoring it to its beautiful state.

One of the home-improvement tasks involved the lawn, which looked more like a weed forest than grass. Having only minimal lawn-care experience, I decided to consult an expert for guidance.  I wasn’t surprised at most of the recommendations, including regular weed-killing treatments, aeration, and fertilizer.  What did surprise me was the suggestion to re-seed the lawn.

“Really?” I had asked.

“Yes.” The gentleman had replied.  “You see, once you get rid of all the weeds, if you don’t fill in the holes with more grass, the weeds will just come back.”

As I stared at my notes and contemplated my course of action, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between creating a beautiful lawn and creating a healthy mind. Just as killing weeds is pertinent to having a healthy, attractive lawn, eliminating negative thoughts is pertinent to keeping a healthy mind. (This post and this post share two useful tools for eliminating negative thoughts.)

But getting rid of negative thoughts is just the first step. The next step is just as important; positive thoughts must fill in the empty holes, or negative thoughts will return. My favorite tool for planting positive thoughts is to use Daily Declarations.  (Here is a post about it)  Feeding the mind positive attributes every morning accesses a person’s inner power and trains the brain to focus on positive truths, even when it is attacked with negative comments throughout the day.

To get started, take a pen and paper, or use a computer and printer, and make a list of positive affirmations about you. If you are a woman, please include that you are beautiful.  If you are a parent, write that you are a fabulous mother or father. Which parts of life are challenging for you?  Make a positive declaration for it! 

If you need some ideas, here are five powerful declarations that I received from Kirk Duncan:

            I add value to other peoples’ lives!

            My life improves as I lead others!

            I am a great and powerful listener!

            I am confident and charismatic!

            I influence others to find their truth!

Do I do this everyday?  Yes!  I do! Every morning.  And throughout the day, whenever I need a boost.  And in the evening before I go to bed.

I challenge you to use positive declarations every morning for a week and see what happens. Then leave me a comment and tell me about your experiences.  This simple tool, all by itself, will rock your world!

“Behold, a sower went forth to sow; And when he sowed, some seeds… fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit…” Matthew 12: 3-8

Of Monsters and Pen

 

“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly

I wanna see you be brave”

Sara Bareilles, Brave

 It was 3:00 am. I couldn’t sleep.

Half an hour ago the baby had woken up, crying.  I soothed her for awhile, kissed her little head, and gently put her back to bed.

I shuffled back to my own bed and lay down, but I couldn’t fall asleep.  My mind raced.  Yesterday had started out as a normal day.  Then one negative experience led to another and another. As the mother, I tried to stay positive and strong, helping my family process emotions. In the end, I, too caved to the negative atmosphere. I had gone to bed hoping to wake to a fresh, new start on a new day, but after the brief awaking, all of the negative thoughts had returned, and wouldn’t leave.

Half an hour later, I got up again.  I needed to take action if I ever wanted to go back to sleep.  Quietly, I snuck into the kitchen, found a pen and a spiral bound notebook, and sat down at the kitchen table.  I opened the notebook.  Most of the pages were filled with small-child doodles.  I found a mostly-blank page and started writing.

If you have read my blog in the past, this probably looks familiar to you. But I can’t over-emphasize the importance of this principle:  If you want to get something out of your head, put it down on paper. It really is that simple.  All of the tools I use are simple, but they only work when I use them.

I am not certain what inspired Edward Bulwer-Lytton to write the words, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” but I have learned that the pen also defeats the negative comments that enter people’s heads.

There are a few important guidelines to note:

1. You must write.  Thinking about the problem will not work.  Thoughts stay in your head and do not leave. Telling another person doesn’t work; even if you feel relieved, you have just slimed somebody else with your muck.  Don’t do that! Use paper and pen. Or something else that writes. Once, when I was on vacation and couldn’t find any paper in the middle of the night, I used my child’s lap-sized dry-erase board. I filled up the board, then started back at the top, writing on top of the words I had already written.  When I got to the bottom, I started over again.
2. Write everything that pops into your head.  Swear words, insults, everything.  You don’t want those things to stay in your head!  If your mind wanders off on a tangent, go with it! Your brain is smart and knows what it needs to de-junk.
3. When you reach a point where there is nothing left, wait a minute.  Keep your pen on the paper.  Sometimes your brain will start spitting out something else.  Write it down.  I recommend pushing through at least two “pauses” to make sure you get it all out.
4. When your head is finally empty, get rid of the junk!  My kids love to burn their papers; its fun to watch fire destroy all of that negative yuck, sending it out to oblivion.  But tearing the paper into little pieces and throwing it away is also effective.

This process usually takes me about fifteen minutes.  Then I can go back to sleep without a problem.  I also use this tool when I am mad at somebody and need to vent before I can communicate calmly.  It works like a charm.

Are you ready for a deeper level?

I have slowly been sharing the process I used to conquer Depression.  Well, using the Write-and-Burn method to destroy negative thoughts was another key tool.

I experienced many bumps on the road to complete healing.  I expected bumps would occur, but one day in particular was very bad.  My family had left for a while, and I sat alone in my bedroom, swarmed with self-defeating thoughts.  Actually, I sat in the bottom of my closet, the most isolated and closed off place I could find.  The negative thoughts shot at me like fiery darts; I could feel them hitting my head.  I was crying.  I was screaming and pulling my hair, desperately trying to yank those awful thoughts and images out of my head.  I needed help, but I was alone. From somewhere deep in the back of my mind, one hopeful thought started to rise: I knew that if I could get these awful thoughts down on paper, I could get them out of my head. 

My legs and arms felt like lead as I forced myself to open the door and crawl out of the closet. It took immense effort to crawl through the bathroom, back into my bedroom, and open the drawer to the nightstand.  I pulled out a pen and notebook (are you picking this up? Keep a notebook and pen next to your bed).  I sat on the floor, and opened the notebook.  Words would not come.  I was so overwhelmed with the awful thoughts and images that I could not even form words with my hand.  I was still crying.  I could not create words, so I began to draw the images in my head. 

My hand moved across the page, blue ink flowing from the movements.  A monster took shape on the paper: a big, scary dragon, breathing fire. I am no artist, and you will not see my drawing in a museum, but pulling that thing out of my head and imprisoning him on the paper freed the rest of my mind.  When I saw the scary beast, and realized he was no longer inside of me, I took my pen and scribbled him out with deep strokes that tore through several pages. I ripped him up and threw the pieces in the trash can.  Then, I was able to take my notebook and write words.  Every negative thought, every fiery dart, went down on the paper until there was nothing left.  I shredded them all, and tossed them in the trash. The garbage truck took them away, and all of those awful thoughts and images have decomposed and dissipated back into the earth, never to be seen again.

Dear friends, after more than a decade of fighting that monster, that was the last time he ever tried to get me to end my own life. I beat him! He is out of my head forever! I still have more to share about healing completely, but I want you to know that 80 percent of it is capturing and destroying the negative comments that pop into your head.  I have shared with you two very simple, and very effective tools for doing this: 1. capturing a negative thought and turning it around into a positive one (see this post), and 2. Write and burn.

So many people on this planet are being pounded with negative thoughts. The goal of the Adversary is to make each person feel so bad about himself that he will isolate himself from people who can help him.  Then, when he is alone, those negative comments try to convince him to take himself off of the planet.

Please, fight back! The tools, the weapons are easy to use.  Teach them to other people.  We are fighting a very real war with a very real Adversary.  If you don’t believe it, go write that lie down on paper and destroy it.  Because, You are under attack. 

“But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.” Mosiah 4:30