An opportunity!

To those who read my blog: This weekend I am attending the same seminar that, three years ago, got me started on the road to healing from depression. The information and skills I received at this seminar are invaluable to me, not just because they helped me heal from depression, but because they have helped me in every aspect of life, including financial success and family strengthening. Often at these seminars, students receive an offer to invite friends to the next one at a discounted rate. If you are interested in attending "Master Your Influence" in February (In Salt Lake City), I would love to share this opportunity with you! Please send me an email at thenattymomblog@gmail.com and I will give you the details when I receive them! (To learn more about Kirk Duncan and his classes, visit 3keyelements.com).

Imprisoned!

“Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead.”

Pink, Perfect

One morning, not too long ago, I stood in the shower, relishing the hot water massage on my head.  I thought about all of the things I do to maintain my mental health (which I will share in the next few posts).  It occurred to me that if other people knew about all of my habits, they might think I was crazy.  I laughed as I realized that it’s all the crazy stuff I do that keeps me sane!

            Today I will stray from my typical narration and present this tool straight out.  With pictures.  Do you want to get rid of the negative voices in your head that keep trying to tear you down, or ruin your relationships, or hold you back from success? Go invest in a spiral-bound notebook; you know the type—they go on sale for 15 cents at grocery stores in the month of August. Make it black, because this is your Dot-People Prison.  

Open up to the first page and draw a line, vertically (hot-dog bun style) down the middle.

On the left side of the page, write down the voices.  Just for now, stick to the ten most persistent negative thoughts that go through your head every day.  Here is the key:  To get a voice out of your head, you must put it down on paper. I know it sounds simplistic, but it really is that easy.  The hardest part is just doing it, because there is a voice that says, “It’s too easy.  It won’t work.” Or, “I’ll do it later.” “I’m too tired.”  Etcetera. Just give it a try!

 

Now, a negative voice is a liar.  Those evil foes do not want you to know the real truth about you, so they try to convince you the opposite is valid.  Look at the first negative thought you wrote down.  On the right side of your paper, across from that negative thought, write down it’s opposite: for example, if the negative thought is “I am worthless,” then the opposite is, “I am valuable.”  But don’t stop there; for each negative voice, write down two positives:  “I am Valuable” and “I am of infinite worth.”

Do this for each of the ten negative voices.

Now, read through each sentence you wrote on the right side of your paper. If you listen closely, you can hear the messages of truth that your Higher Power is whispering to you.  Read your list again, out loud. Do it every morning when you wake up, and every night before you go to bed.

May I share one experience I had using this tool?  For most of my adult life, I believed I was ugly. Sure, I could spruce myself up and look pretty, sometimes, but I was convinced that, in general I was an unattractive person.  When I looked in the mirror, I heard voices, disguised as my thoughts, pointing out every “ugly” feature on my body; “I am fat”. “My hair is thin and stringy.” “I have acne.” “My nose is too big.” “My skin is blotchy.” And so on. There seemed no end to the list of things I should hate about my body. 

Can you imagine what that did to my marriage? If my husband complimented me, “You look beautiful,” I either thought he was a fool or he wanted something from me.  This led to, “He doesn’t really think I’m beautiful, he only wants me for my body.”  Which led to, “He doesn’t really care about me.” Then I started resenting him; "The only reason he is washing dishes is to get something from me later." I was angry at him for things he never did! It’s a vicious, downward spiral, ultimately ruining wonderful marriages when remained un-checked.

When I finally learned where the thoughts contributing to this vicious spiral came from, I imprisoned them in my black spiral notebook, replaced them all with positive statements, and declared them out loud until I believed them. “I am beautiful.  My husband sees my beauty.  He loves me for who I am. He cares about me. I am important to him.”  These statements were true all along, but I was blinded to the truth because I had listened to the same negative voices, over and over, for years.  

Now that I don't hear those voices anymore, I accept my husband's compliments gratefully.  I believe him when he tells me I am beautiful.  I believe that he sincerely loves and cares about me.  I trust him. I feel safe and comfortable with him. We are happier than we have ever been.

Once in a while one of those old negative thoughts pops into my head.  Do you want to know what I do, then?  I tell it to “Get Lost!”  I now know that those thoughts do not come from me or my Higher Power, and I refuse to listen. I have a wonderful marriage. I have self-confidence. I am starting to see myself as my Higher Power sees me.

I learned this tool three years ago, and I still have my black notebook.  I still use it to imprison negative voices. So far I have imprisoned over 250, and I’m sure I’ll be able to imprison another 250 in the next three years!

How many negative voices are in your head? How do they affect your self-confidence?  Your relationships?  Your family?  Your success?

What would happen if you got rid of those voices?  There's an easy way to do it. Are you willing to give it a try?

 "And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? How much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash and be clean?" 2 Kings 5:13

"O my son, do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way..." Alma 37:46

Invisible

“There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back”
 Of Monsters and Men, Little talks

            People naturally believe any thought that pops into his or her head.  And why not?  Aren’t thoughts the products of our brains? Our brains wouldn’t lie to us, would they?  Imagine the destructive possibilities if someone invented a weapon that could put thoughts into people’s heads.  Thoughts that people naturally assume are true because they believe those thoughts came from themselves.

            Back in November, 2011, I attended a three day seminar presented by Kirk Duncan. I mentioned this seminar in a previous post.  This was one of those things I did because I just felt I needed to do it.  I learned about it from Mandy-Marie; this was the same seminar at which, three months previously, she found the last piece of her healing puzzle.  I was just starting to put my puzzle together, and something inside of me convinced me that I would discover some big keys at this seminar.

            Andrew and I reserved a hotel room for a couple of nights, persuaded Grandma and Grandpa to entertain the children, and headed up to Salt Lake City.  I had heard rave reviews about “Master Your Influence”, as that particular seminar was called, but I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

            I held on to Andrew’s hand as we entered the hotel where the Seminar was being held.  I never did feel comfortable in big crowds, and I was glad to have my husband there to be my comfort.  We registered, put on our name tags, and entered a large room. Most of the several hundreds of chairs were already occupied, so we chose a couple of seats near the back.

The atmosphere bubbled with anticipation as the latest pop music blared from speakers placed strategically around the room. We made small talk with the people next to us, then finally, a lady, dressed in black, stood up on stage with a microphone to introduce our presenter.  The crowd cheered as Kirk ran up on stage, sporting a grey business suit and a big smile.  I caught the positive spirit, and clapped and whooped along. It was fun.  Kirk was fun.  The people in the room were fun.  And I was having fun.

On the right side of the stage stood a giant Post-It-Note pad on an easel. Kirk drew pictures on it to illustrate principles from time to time. I sat in my seat after lunch, and watched as he took a large, black marker and drew a stick figure in the middle of the pad. On either side of the stick figure, he drew two more, only instead of using solid lines, he used broken, dotted lines.  Dotted, he said, because we cannot see them.

The figure on the left represented an invisible person who whispered negative things into my head; “You are ugly.  You are worthless.  You can’t do anything right.”  The figure on the right represented an invisible person who whispered positive things into my head: “You look beautiful.  You are a wonderful mother. You are valuable.”

As I listened, a lightbulb flashed on inside of my head. Suddenly, I saw the whole good versus evil concept in a tangible way. Existing around me were beings who were fighting over my mind.  They couldn’t hurt me by touching me, necessarily, but they could convince me to hurt myself, if I let them.  I had always believed in a higher power, God, as I refer to him.  I have also always believed in an adversarial power, which I call Satan. Both forces, God and Satan, want me to listen to them.  God, who loves me, wants me to follow his guidance so I can be happy and eventually live with him after this life.  Satan, on the other hand, seeks my destruction, and would love to use me as a weapon to destroy others. Even this was not new.  What was new to me, and switched on the light bulb in my mind, was that both forces were engaged in a battle over my mind.  On the one hand, the evil voices whispered negative thoughts into my head.  It was them, not me, who were trying to convince me that I was ugly, worthless and couldn’t do anything right! On the other hand, I had God supporting me, whispering to me truths about myself:  I am beautiful, wonderful, and valuable.  God was my creator, and as so, he was the being who whispered divine truths into my head.  All the other thoughts, those which I had been listening to, the thoughts that dragged me down and made me feel lousy about myself, came not from me, but from the evil voices of Satan.

Which voice did I want to listen to?  That question was easy to answer; of course I wanted to listen to the voice of truth, the voice which told me good things and made me feel good about myself! The problem was that the negative voices were so persistent! How could I get rid of them?  Was that possible?

Of course it was!  Kirk shared with me, and everyone else in attendance, the tools to imprison the negative voices, and strengthen my ability to hear the good voices. I will share those tools in the next few posts.

“ …and thus he whipereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.”  2 Nephi 28:22

Magic

 

“If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to”

Anna Nalick Breathe (2am)

What do you call your higher power?  I call him God, Lord, or Heavenly Father. Perhaps you call your higher power by a different name.  If so, please feel free to substitute that name as I share my experience with you.  If you don’t have a higher power, maybe it is time for you to find one.

That night, I left my sister-in-law’s house with something new to try. 

Andrew and I helped the children into their pajamas, offered an evening prayer, and tucked them into bed. Finding a few quiet moments to myself, I thought I’d give Mandy-Marie’s suggestion a try. Switching on the overhead light to my bedroom, I quietly shut the door. I walked over to the nightstand, opened the drawer, and pulled out the pen and notebook I kept tucked inside. I sat down on the floor, opened the notebook to the first blank page and started writing.

Perhaps the tears came before I started writing.  Perhaps they waited until the first thought found its way to the paper. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is this: I took the burdens from inside my head and transferred them to the paper. Everything that popped into my head, I wrote down.  I just let the words flow through the pen until nothing was left. And then I waited, pen still on the paper. It seemed my brain got stuck for a moment, pausing. I waited for a minute or two, until another flood of thoughts found its way to the tip of my pen. All of the worries, heart-aches, and stress, turned into words, I copied into the notebook.

I had tried similar techniques when I had gone to therapy. There seemed to be magic in writing down plaguing thoughts, transferring the negative 'junk' I held inside to something tangible outside: words on paper.

The next step was new to me, though. I looked at the pages I had written, spread them open on my bed and knelt down. I folded my hands over the paper and commenced a sincere, heart-felt prayer.

 “Dear Heavenly Father,” I began. “Thank you for Mandy-Marie.  Thank you for something new to try. Tonight I have written down all of the burdens I am carrying.  I am struggling with depression.  I can’t do it on my own.  It is too hard.  Will You please take this burden from me?  I don’t want it anymore. I will give it to you, if you will take it.”

As I closed the prayer, I felt a sense of peace.  My heart still ached, but my mind felt calm.  Then, I did the last thing Mandy-Marie had instructed me to do: I took the pages on which I had written all of the burdens, ripped them out of the notebook, and tore them into hundreds of little pieces.  Oh, it felt good! As if I was saying, “So long!” to all of those heavy burdens forever.

After chucking the paper pieces into the trash can, I climbed into bed and turned out the light.

The next morning, as I woke up, I listened to the birds chirping outside. I enthusiastically thought about jumping out of bed and making breakfast for my children.  I felt happy.  The depression was gone. The sad, achy, dragging, tired feelings I had been experiencing, had simply disappeared. My heart felt light. I felt energetic again. God had taken the burden from me! Mandy-Marie’s advice had worked.

It wasn’t the end of my battle with depression, but it proved to be the end of that episode.

I now had a new tool to use to fight the depression monster: writing down the negative thoughts in my head, taking them to God in prayer, and shredding them. How simple, yet how effective!

“Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.”

                                                                        James 3:4

 “By small means the Lord can bring about great things.”

                                                            1 Nephi 16:29

The Beginning of the Miracle

            I felt happy as I sat in the grass on that summer evening.  I had missed these Sunday evening get-togethers with Andrew’s siblings and cousins, and it was nice to be back, having lived hundreds of miles away for several years. 

            That particular evening, I sat with my Sister-in-law, Mandy-Marie, and other relatives, as she shared her latest life-changing experiences. 

I had looked up to Mandy-Marie from the time I met her. From parenting advice and books, to Bed-and-Breakfast recommendations for much needed marriage getaways, she was my mentor—someone who walked life’s paths just a few steps ahead of me, and succeeded.

That night, I listened intently as Mandy-Marie explained how, over the last few years, she had been seeking natural ways to treat Depression.  She had learned about gut-health, something we had talked about before.  Altering her diet to fit her body’s needs had gone a long way in managing Depression, but there was still something missing.  She explained how, while attending a seminar, she had found the last piece of the healing puzzle. 

Something awoke inside of me.  Ten years had passed since I was diagnosed with Major Depression.  I struggled with it’s symptoms off and on since I was a teenager, and finally sought professional help around my twenty-third birthday.

At this time I do not think it’s necessary to share the details of my own battle with depression; if you haven’t experienced it yourself, chances are you have witnessed someone close to you who has.  It isn’t pretty, and unfortunately can be a tragic battle.  Suffice it to say, I, like so many others, battled the Depression Monster.

Seven months of therapy and anti-depressant medication proved an effective treatment.  I returned to a fulfilling, happy life, married a wonderful man and started a family.  The next decade passed with only occasional depressive episodes. I felt lucky that my body responded so quickly and positively to medication.  I did not experience side-effects, and I was quite content to keep taking medication for the rest of my life.

Then, that summer evening, as I listened to my Sister-in-law speak with power and confidence, I felt a longing for something more.  What was it?  I could not figure it out right away.  She had something that I didn’t.  Something.  It wasn’t about medicine.  I was quite calm and happy with the medicine I took.  But she had something else that my body ached for.  She spoke with confidence and Power.  She had a sense of…Freedom!  That was it. I knew that’s what I longed for: Freedom.

Freedom from what?

That was the question that consumed my thoughts for the following days.  Exactly What was I seeking Freedom from?

Days turned into weeks, and I found myself struggling with yet another Depressive Episode.  Sadness and discouragement prevailed in my thoughts.  I felt tired.  I dragged through each day.  I knew the familiar symptoms.  I faithfully took my medication, without relief. 

Once again I found myself at Mandy-Marie’s house one evening. Like so many others battling Depression, I hid my symptoms in public.  I put on an obligatory smile and contributed to seemingly shallow conversation. Then, in a private moment, she asked how I was doing. Tears poured from my eyes as the ache in my heart burst.

“I’m having another episode,” I confessed.  I couldn’t even identify the trigger this time.  Looking back, I believe that depressive episode was one of God’s Tender Mercies so I could have the conversation that followed:

Mandy-Marie led me to a room where we could talk privately.  She opened the scriptures and shared with me a story I had read more than a dozen times.  It’s a story about a small group of righteous people who were discovered by wicked men.  The wicked men enslaved them and placed heavy burdens on their backs.  As the righteous people raised their voices in prayer to God, He heard their prayers, and gave them strength to bear their burdens with ease.

But the story didn’t end there.  Finally, a day came when God decided to deliver his people from their oppressors.  He caused the wicked men to fall into a deep sleep.  The righteous people escaped, and after traveling several days in the wilderness came to a land where a good king and his people welcomed them. Those who had been delivered lifted up their voices in praise of God, who had delivered them.

Suddenly I saw my battle with Depression in a new light.  I was still its slave.  Up to this point, God had eased my burden with medication.  Oh, how I was grateful for that ease! But perhaps that was not how God intended my story to end; here was my friend and mentor, suggesting that maybe it was time to be delivered from the monster which held me captive. Perhaps my journey was not just to endure the burden until life’s end; perhaps God desired to heal me so that I could testify of his goodness and power.

Then she shared with me the first tool I needed to begin the healing journey.
(To be continued...)
(Note...I realize my last post was titled, "The First Tool."  To avoid confusion with this and the next few posts, I have changed the title to "Fortify Your Mind" It is not a continuation of this discussion.)

Fortify Your Mind

Every so often, and sometimes quite often, I converse with mothers of children older than mine. They empathize with my “up all night with a crying baby” stories, and then follow up with, “I remember those days,” or “I’m glad I’m not there, anymore.”  Occasionally I get, “Enjoy every minute; they grow up so fast.”  That’s when I think, “Seriously? Enjoy every minute?  Can’t I just take a shower without someone screaming at me?”

Truthfully, I don’t enjoy every minute. Motherhood is hard.  It is sacrifice after sacrifice after sacrifice.  And mothers of young children need more than sympathy and nostalgic suggestions.  They need tools to help them thrive, not just survive, the years of sleepless nights and constant demands. So, to mothers, and to all people, I share with you my first tool:

Tool #1:  Fortify your mind

A couple of years ago I attended Master of Influence, a three day seminar taught by Kirk Duncan. I paid about $150, but what I learned was priceless: I could control the thoughts that came into my head every day.  As the mother of, then, four young children, I did my best to love and nurture my family, and honestly, I did a good job.  Still, like many mothers, I listened to the negative voices that spoke to me.  “I am ugly.”  “I am a lousy mother.” “I am unlovable.” “My children would be better off with a different mother.”  Do any of these sound familiar? 

Until I attended the seminar, I believed that whatever I thought was truth. But Kirk taught me that the thoughts I had been listening to were lies, and that if I turned them around, I would hear truth.  According to his instruction, I took a piece of notebook paper, and folded it in half so I had a left side and a right side.  On the left side, I wrote down the negative thoughts I had been hearing.  “I am ugly.”  Next line:  “I am a lousy mother.”  Next line: “I am unlovable.” And so on.  Then, on the right side of the paper, I wrote down the opposite of the negative thought:  “I am beautiful.”  “I am a wonderful mother.”  “I am lovable.” And so forth.  Additionally, instead of just writing one positive thought for each negative, I wrote two positives for each negative:  “I am beautiful.  I am gorgeous.”  “I am a wonderful mother.  My children are lucky to have me.”  “I am lovable.  People love to be around me.”

            Once I had written down positive responses for every negative thought, I ripped the paper in half along the fold, shredded the piece with the negative thoughts, and tossed it in a trash can.  (Try it; it’s very empowering to destroy your negative thoughts!)

            Finally, I took the list of positive thoughts and taped them on my wall next to my bed.  After that, every morning when I got out of bed, I looked at my list of positive affirmations and said them aloud to myself. It didn’t matter if other people believed them.  It didn’t even matter if I didn’t believe them, yet. By reciting these positive affirmations every day, they sunk into my brain until I believed them.  Not just that; I became them. I saw a beautiful reflection in the mirror.  I saw the evidence that I was a wonderful mother, and became even more so.  I felt others’ love for me.  I  loved myself.

            My mind became strong.  When negative thoughts tried to sneak in, I told them to go away, because I knew they were lying to me.

            I added to my affirmations from time to time, and discovered I had the power to change my thoughts about anything: people, situations, even my desires.  And when thoughts change, actions change.  When actions change, results change.

The tasks of motherhood have not changed, but my ability to perform them with positive power has intensified.  I don’t just survive; I thrive! Such a simple tool. Such amazing results.

            Mothers, you are powerful. You are beautiful. You are capable. You are valuable. Go on; say it to yourself right now.  It's truth.

Resources:

Kirk Duncan is the founder of

 3 Key Elements

Two Mountains (an original poem by me, Natalie)

In my home

Two mountains tower,

Formidable, daunting,

Hour by hour:

Sort the colors,

Wash, then dry.

Fold, put away,

The first mount is nigh.

Another mount,

Another feat:

Set, eat, clear,

Scrub, dry, repeat.

They vary in size

From small to tall,

But rarely

Never there at all.

I dig and dig;

They grow and grow

Sometimes fast

And sometimes slow.

Sometimes one,

Sometimes the other,

Sometimes

Both of them together.

Mount Dish-everest

Mount St. Laundry

Ever present

For every Mommy.